Maybe it’s a sign of the times or maybe it’s a sign of my aging warped sense of humor, but my new “funniest stuff of all time” these days consists of watching the political shenanigans of our Congress on the TV news. It’s funnier than anything else on TV and cheaper than going to the movies! If you’d like to join me and indulge yourself in these little flights of fantasy , first, you have to concede that our Congress is broken, permanently and irretrievably.
Secondly, you have allow yourself to visualize everything you see in the context of an “Abbot and Costello meets The Three Stooges” movie and then wrap that up in a Road Runner cartoon surrounded by a Soap Opera. Third you have to come to grips with the fact that this is as good as it’s gonna get and you’re paying out around $174,000 annual salary 435 times in order for this little fracas to take place! Fourth, it helps if you give some of your main characters pet names. I have names like “Moonpie” and “Bubba,” Eric Cantor was going to be “Pooder” until a couple of weeks ago. Certain characters will always have their own special names that can’t change. As a for instance, Sarah Palin has always been known as “Moma Grizzly” and shall be for all time. Following the Mississippi Republican primary, the wrong side won (according to Sarah) and we can only imagine her taking a little Thad Cochran doll back to her Moma Grizzly cave where she promptly chewed it’s head off! Lastly, we need a “special” personality to announce the evening news. My vote would have gone to Richard Pryor if he was still around. My alternatives would be someone like Dave Chappelle or Chris Rock. Then my political home entertainment cartoon would be complete!
Obviously, you must have someone to play the main characters in your little mental movie. I’ve chosen Barack Obama to play the part of the road runner since he seems well suited to the part. He’s skinny, fast, smart and always manages to be one step in front of the slightly bleary eyed (and possibly hung over,) ever scheming Wile E. Coyote. By cunning and skill of his own he always manages to outsmart Wile E. in the nick of time just when Wile E. thinks he finally has him cornered. Finally for the coups de gras you have to have a special person with a special personality to play the part of Wile E. Coyote. That character can only be played by one person, Speaker of the House, John Boehner! He’s perfectly suited for the part.
Now, this kind of scenario wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for all the outside factors in Wile E.’s (Boehner’s) life that keep him off kilter and slightly out of balance, never absolutely sure whether today, he gets to be the hammer or the nail, and never too sure of what’s in front of him or who’s sneaking up on him from behind. The picture above shows Wile E. (Boehner) at a recent event holding hands with Harry Reed While singing Kum Ba Yah. I can only imagine he would have preferred to take a bullet than be caught holding hands and singing songs with Harry Reed! No kidding folks, Las Vegas has nothing that can top this!
Recently, the Congress has broken down like an old clunker and come to a complete halt in the middle of the road. They refuse to act on any of the proposals the President has made and Boehner says it’s because they don’t trust him. To me, that sounds something like Saddam Hussein saying he doesn’t trust Mother Teresa! Just to put a little icing on the cake, he is filing a lawsuit against the President for not doing his duties the way Boehner thinks he ought to. (Cue the laugh track!)
I could go on and on with all this but it’s almost time for the evening news and I need to get situated in my recliner with my iced tea and a box of Kleenex. Life’s good when you’re having fun!
Please send me your comments and critiques. I’ll be sure to read them all and use them if I can.
Thanks again and Happy 4th of July everybody!