This week, the whole TV watching world got treated to a slice of political pie by two of it’s more stalwart citizens, Cliven and Al Bundy. First up is Cliven, a deadbeat cattle rancher from Nevada who says every blade of grass his cows have been munching on for twenty years should be free since it doesn’t belong to anybody anyway. Number two is Al, deadbeat shoe salesman from Chicago who claims that fate cruelly robbed him of his rightful place in history because he did throw four touchdowns in one game and now he’s serving a life sentence selling shoes at the Mall! In order to make sure that fair and balanced reporting of this story gets to see the light of day, it’s being covered by those paragons of TV news broadcasting, Fox News and news sleuth, Shawn Hannity. Hannity says he’s going to see to it that no stone gets left unturned on this one and just because Cliven Bundy is a deadbeat, how dare the mean old government send the BLM out there to seize his cattle and collect their money!
Here’s where the plot thickens. The government says Cliven’s been a deadbeat 20 years and says he owes them somewhere in the neighborhood of a million bucks for their grass! Al on the other hand, says he doesn’t recognize the government or their grass and hasn’t bothered to pay his taxes to the IRS ever since he married his wife Peggy. This was when he was robbed of his blossoming football career and became a shoe salesologist at Gary’s Shoes. Adjusting for inflation and any other legal wrinkle he can hide behind, he probably owes the government upwards of twenty bucks by now and if the government wants it, they’re just gonna have to come down to the Mall and get it! Fox News has remained strangely silent on this story and offered no opinion.
Cliven says he has no idea who’s grass his cattle are eating but he’s quite sure it doesn’t belong to the government or the BLM and for sure he doesn’t recognize any of them so they can put their million bucks where the sun don’t shine and he’s not gonna pay without a fight! Al on the other hand, says the only way he gives a rip about paying taxes or Cliven’s cattle would be after they’ve been processed and transformed into his favorite tubed meat product, “Weenie Tots! Personally, he’s a lot more interested in what the centerfold of this months issue of “Big’uns” looks like and by the way, did you know he once threw four touchdowns in one game? Somehow, that one-of-a-kind sports highlight slipped past and got totally away from, the guys at Fox News!
By the time this weekend rolled around things had escalated somewhat. Cliven and his buddies had run the BLM gangsters off, declared victory, made some more “drop your guns” demands of the county sheriff, and had their status raised to domestic terrorists by Senate Majority leader, Harry Reed!
Obviously, Cliven’s supporters liked being called domestic terrorists so they showed up Saturday night for the free Bar-B-Que armed to the teeth and ready to shoot anything that moved! Since there wasn’t a whole lot left to shoot at but a few grasshoppers and prairie dogs, they kept their big signs up and wore their flak jackets and other armor just in case one of those prairie dogs wanted to put up a fight!
Meanwhile in Chicago, Peggy Bundy, (the former Peggy Wanker) said she’d be happy if Al wanted to be her domestic terrorist, but she wished he’d do his terrorizing more than one Saturday night per month! Al didn’t pay too much attention either way because his own domestic terrorist group, the gang from “NO Ma’am was getting ready to go down to the “Jiggly Room” and do a little terrorizing of their own! Fox News missed that story entirely!
So there you have it, the tale of two domestic terrorists named Bundy, Cliven and Al. I don’t know what Hannity is going to do with this story, but my new book, “Nutcases with Guns,” will be showing up on the news rack of a grocery store near you any day now! Get ’em while they’re HOT!
As usual, send me your comments and critiques. If I can use them I certainly will.
Thanks and have a great week everybody,
Posted by All Around Seniors at 4/23/2014 5:51 AM